Anything to Have You Read online

  As I walked over to him, he smiled and pulled me onto his lap.

  I fell with a small squeal, and then pushed off and slid into the space on the couch next to him.

  He put his arm around me. It felt friendly, but his bare skin on what was exposed of mine made me prickle. He was warm, and it felt strange—and yet also very natural—that I should be this close to him, encompassed by his body. “This girl...she is the fucking best, dude, seriously.”

  I tried to pretend this was how he normally acted with me.

  “She’s hot, too,” said a guy I had seen around but didn’t know. He must be new to the group.

  “Dude, right?” Aiden winked at me. “But she never comes out at all, so no one gets to know her. See, most of these other people—” he gestured around us “—got to hang out with you back when you were a little social butterfly. But ever since I moved here, you haven’t been.”

  The timing of that was slightly suspect. I wondered if he noticed that.

  “Try not to take it too personally, Aiden. I only kind of hate hanging out with you.”

  “Hoh! Nattie’s got jokes, huh?” He bent his head toward my ear, and I tried not to shiver. What was happening? “We’re about to play a game, you want in?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “What’s the game?”

  “Fuck the dealer?”

  “Who’s the dealer?”

  “This time it’s me.”

  We locked eyes for a second “Oh—okay.”

  “Yep, you got lucky.”

  We looked away from each other, and he went on to explain the rules of the card game to me, patiently repeating anything I forgot or didn’t understand.

  We played for a good hour, and when the game started to die out—it’s one of those games that can go on forever, due to multiple rounds—he and I were the only ones left sitting. Despite the fact that the third cushion was now open, we were still right next to each other.

  The alcohol was starting to make me feel like I had one eye covered or something. I was only soaking in half of what was going on, and not getting the depth of any of it.

  “Are you glad you came?” asked Aiden.

  I nodded and took a sip of the rum and Coke he had made me, and which I had not admitted to not wanting. “I am. I didn’t know...or, I didn’t think it would be fun.”

  He put a hand over his heart. “Damn. What a cruel thing to say.”

  “Not you!” I giggled—oh, God, had I? Had I just giggled? “Just, like...I don’t know, I didn’t think it would be. I don’t know!”

  “Well, now you know, right?”

  “I do. I think...I think I’m also a little drunk.”

  “You think so, huh?”

  I shoved him lightly on the shoulder. “Don’t judge me, jerk, you’re drunk, too!”

  “I’m not drunk.” He smiled at the look I gave him. “Okay, I am a little drunk.”

  “Mmm-hmm, that’s what I thought. Plus you made me finish this drink, and that’s what tipped me over from tipsy down into the drunk zone.”

  “Oh, so it’s my fault, I see how it is.”

  “Yeah, so if my head’s in the toilet tomorrow, you know who I’m going to blame, don’t you?” I patted him on the chest, my fingers lingering for a moment.

  “You just wanted an opportunity to touch these ripped pecs....” He flexed and smiled at me cockily.

  “Ohhh, right,” I said. “That’s definitely it.”

  “Hey.” He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m not saying I wouldn’t take the same opportunity.”

  It wasn’t clear if this was a flirtatious comment or a jokingly vain one. But still, my own chest filled with a sharp but pleasant chill. Our gazes met, and for a moment I felt sexy. Like Brooke always seemed to. I felt like I was affecting Aiden in the way that—well, I guess, in the way that he was, very suddenly, affecting me.

  “Is that right?”

  He furrowed his brow and sucked in air. “Oh, man. No question.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t give me that.”

  “Why wouldn’t you believe me? You’re a hot girl, and I’m a guy.” I guess that settled it. It was a flirtatious comment. “Come on. Isn’t that a rule of nature or somethin’?”

  The real reason that he shouldn’t feel that way about me was because he was Brooke’s boyfriend. But for some reason I didn’t want to bring her up.

  “Yes, I’m a girl, but I’m just boring old Natalie, and you’re Aiden.”

  “I don’t think...that your connotation of your name and my connotio—connotation—” he worked through his slur with a smile “—are the same.”

  The words made my heart pound, and I could come up with nothing to say.

  “Huh.” I became very aware of the hand he still had on my knee. It hadn’t seemed weird before. I was facing him with my legs pulled up. But he tightened his fingers a little, and warmth surged through my whole body. Our smiles faded, and we didn’t unlock our eyes.

  Suddenly I shook my head. Oh, my God, what was I thinking? What was I doing? This was why people shouldn’t drink. It affected judgment. That was why I was feeling this way. I would never sit this close to Aiden usually.

  “Have you ever been in a hot tub when it’s cold out?” he asked.

  I started. “I’ve barely been in a hot tub at all. One time at a Holiday Inn when I was in Florida. And it was hot out and overall a ghastly experience.”

  “No way. And you’re the Northerner. Well, get ready.”

  “We can’t—”

  “It’s happening, Shepherds, no fighting it.” He stood and held out a hand to me.

  “Oh—”

  “Nope! The decision has been made.”

  Temptation and curiosity got the better of me. Okay, temptation, curiosity, Aiden and several drinks got the better of me.

  He led me to the sliding glass door and opened it for me. There were other people around at least.

  “Give me, like, two seconds and I’ll meet you out there,” I said.

  I should have known, as I went upstairs to see where Brooke was, that what I was doing was wrong. I should have recognized that, by checking on Brooke, I was checking out whether or not I would get caught. And I should have understood that the thrill I felt when I found her passed out on the couch next to Alexa was not the thrill a best friend should feel.

  I remember looking at her and starting to feel guilty and stupid for the moment of flirtation downstairs. That didn’t mean that my heart wasn’t still pounding or that my skin didn’t feel like it was on fire from the excitement.

  I saw Eric in the kitchen, where he was refilling a drink. Shirt off. All by himself.

  I hadn’t really noticed before, but damn. He really had the body of a Grecian god.

  As luck would have it, that was when my mind went fuzzy. I remembered him saying something, laughing, and then it all goes black.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I WOKE UP the next morning with an awful throbbing headache, a sense that I was in a dream and a couple of seriously questionable flashbacks. I lay in the dark room for about five minutes, my hands clasped over my eyes and forehead, trying to make the spinning and thudding stop. When I finally sat up, I almost threw up, then almost screamed. On the opposite side of the bed, luckily as far as possible from me, was Aiden.

  My heart plunged and I became hot and cold all at once. The only light was the gray glow from the other side of the blinds in the tiny basement window. I got out of bed and realized I was wearing a sweatshirt I knew to be Aiden’s, my pair of hot-pink cheeky underwear and nothing else. Socks, though, weirdly. I guess even when completely hammered, I don’t like to sleep with icy toes.

  I pulled on my jeans. I winced as I pulled them up all the way.


  Whoa.

  I was sore, in the region that Brooke had started demurely referring to as “Brazil” after reading Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes when she was fourteen. I had only felt this particular Brazilian soreness once in my life.

  Last time I had gone to a party.

  Last time I had done shots.

  Last time I had had sex.

  Holy. Cow.

  I looked at the bed, where Aiden was sleeping on his stomach, shirtless.

  No. There was absolutely no possible way. Right? No way. No, no, no.

  How could I not remember? I had never blacked out before. Even the night with Reed, I had known what I was doing. It was stupid, but I had known. Was blacking out really that literal? Did you really completely forget things that happened? Even enormous, life-changing, multiple-friendship-ruining events?

  Could alcohol really change your personality so much? I would never do that to Brooke.

  I tore off the sweatshirt, turned my bare back to Aiden and pulled a tank top from my bag. I left the room quietly and went upstairs to the kitchen. Everyone was still asleep. But Brooke wasn’t on the couch with Alexa anymore. Shit.

  What if she had come downstairs, seen us in the same room together, or worse, seen something more NC-17 and left? I hadn’t checked my phone to see if there was some kind of furious “our friendship is over” text.

  I went to the fridge and got some water, and then riffled through the cabinets until I found headache medicine. I then sat on a stool at the counter and tried to piece together the night before.

  Brooke and Aiden and had gotten into a fight. The girls were all being stupidly supportive of her. I’d gone downstairs. Played a drinking game. Then...I remembered Aiden and me on the couch. He’d asked me if I had been in a hot tub in the snow. I’d run into Eric in the kitchen.

  There was a gap then, and I remembered being in my bra and underwear—really, me?—freezing cold in the snow, and then getting into the tub. Aiden was there, Eric was there and a couple other people I didn’t really know that well, including Reed, which had annoyed me. But then...unless I’m going crazy...I recall him actually being pretty fun. I remembered laughing a lot. Playing Never Have I Ever—a game that makes me basically Glinda the Good Witch. Reed had dared Bethany and her friend Megan to make out, and they had. Hah! Eventually, I remembered, Reed had left, and it had been down to Bethany, Megan, Eric, Aiden and me.

  Then the other girls had left, and it was just Eric, Aiden and me. What had we talked about? I remembered feeling flattered by something someone said. I remembered cracking up loudly at something else.

  I had an infuriatingly vague memory of talking to Eric alone outside as I pulled a towel closer to my trembling, wet body. He had kissed me.

  How Aiden and I had ended up in a room together, I had no recollection.

  “Good God, I feel like utter hell.”

  Brooke came out of the hallway and into the kitchen in sweatpants and only a bra.

  “Brooke! Whose pants are those?”

  “Morning, sunshine. I don’t know. I fell asleep over there—” she pointed to the couch “—and at some point relocated. I think these pants might be Alexa’s little brother’s.” She chuckled and massaged her temples.

  She clearly had not gone downstairs and seen anything she could misinterpret.

  “Nice,” I said.

  “I totally blacked out after Aiden’s and my fight.”

  Thank. God.

  “Uh, so did I.”

  “No way!” she trilled, and then covered her mouth to stifle her volume. “So proud of you, Nattie.”

  “It’s not like it’s super positive, though....”

  She shrugged. “I mean, whatever. It happens.” She suddenly looked devious. “Sooo, I went downstairs after waking up from a little catnap, after you all were in the tub and I saw you outside....”

  At first my heart clenched, but then I realized it couldn’t have anything to do with Aiden, or she wouldn’t be treating the news like it was an exciting bit of gossip.

  She moved closer and dropped her voice. “You were making out with Eric Hornby.” She mouthed, Oh my fucking God.

  A more distinct flash came back. His hand on my jaw, and his lips on mine. He was warm still, from the tub, and the air was icy cold.

  “You saw that? Yeah, I really...hardly remember it.”

  “Well,” she said, “you two looked pret-ty into it, if you ask me. Which you didn’t, for some reason. Jesus, if you don’t remember it, aren’t you even curious how you two looked together? You looked perfect, by the way, positively adorable. You have exactly that right height difference. I would have thought you would think he was too perfect looking, but honestly, I think he’s right on the cusp of being too pretty.”

  The truth was I did find him a little too pretty. Sparkling green eyes with sandy brown lashes, a nose carved from marble and lips that were just big enough without becoming weird and gross. His cheekbones could win People magazine’s Sexiest contest all on their own. But I tended to be more into the Ryan Gosling type than the James Marsden type. Still hot. But less like a Disney Prince.

  So...I had been making out with Eric. And had seemed into it.

  Of course I hadn’t hooked up with Aiden. It wasn’t exactly a relief, since I didn’t want to have slept with Eric Hornby, either, but I should have known that even my drunk, blacked-out brain wouldn’t allow me to betray my best friend. Or sleep with Aiden, who was also a good friend.

  My stomach flipped. Had I had enough sense to use a condom? I wasn’t on birth control or anything. It had always felt like a waste, since I had no boyfriend and no real prospects. Did I even really know how to use a condom? What if we had but had put it on wrong or...inside out or something?

  “Where did you sleep even?” she asked, sticking her hand in a box of Apple Jacks.

  Plummet. “Downstairs. I don’t even know who else was down there, it was dark. I came up here to find ibuprofen.”

  She laughed. “’Atta girl. Where’s Aiden? He didn’t leave, did he?”

  I remembered his hand on my knee, and the way he had flirted. I cringed. What had been up with me last night? Why had I ended up in his room? Why was I slutting it up left and right? Next thing, someone was going to say they’d seen me giving Reed a BJ in the bathroom or something.

  Ew.

  I wanted to curl up in a ball. “I don’t know. Probably not?”

  “Well, I’m dying to get out of here and get some Chipotle. You look downstairs, I’ll look in these rooms. I swear to God if I find him in bed with another girl, he is going to wake up to a solid punch in the balls and no girlfriend.”

  “I’ll...go look.”

  “Thanks, love. I need some Pedialyte or something....”

  I went downstairs to where I knew Aiden was, and opened the door to find him awake and sitting on the edge of the bed putting on his shoes.

  I flipped on the light and shut the door. “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  “How the hell did this happen?” I gestured at the bed.

  He shook his head and gave me an I have no idea look.

  “I guess...I guess it’s good no one came in,” I said.

  “Yeah, it is.” He bit the inside of his cheek, as I knew he usually did when he was nervous. “Are you...good?”

  “Me? Yeah, no, I’m fine.”

  I wanted to ask if he knew what had happened with Eric, but it seemed weird to talk about it with him for some reason.

  “I don’t want it to be awkward or anything,” he said.

  “No, me, neither. I just...I mean, if Brooke found out...”

  “She would kill us both.”

  “I mean, she probably wouldn’t freak too too much. We just slept together. Or, you know, n
ext to each other. It’s not like we hooked up.”

  I searched his face for a sign that maybe I was wrong about it being Eric, and that maybe it was actually Aiden.

  But his face went blank, and he just nodded. “Right, no big deal.” He went back to putting his shoes on.

  “Nattie,” shouted Brooke, clearly not concerned about waking the sleeping people, who were bound to be nursing brutal hangovers the second they were roused.

  I reopened the door, thinking it was sketchy to have it shut.

  “Yeah, coming!” I tried to whisper-shout.

  “Aiden down there?”

  I still felt guilty, but I reminded myself I had no reason to. Except that it still didn’t look good that I had slept in the same room as him. And that if anyone had seen us talking on the couch, they could make us both look bad.

  “Yeah, he’s down here,” I replied.

  “Is he with a girl?”

  I swallowed. “Just me.”

  “Thank God. Well, tell him to hurry his ass up, I’m starving.” I heard her depart from the top of the stairs.

  I looked back to Aiden. “Hurry your ass up, Brooke is starving.”

  “So I hear.”

  “Hey, um...” I looked into the basement living room. I dropped my voice and moved in a little toward him. “Do you think maybe we should say you slept out there on that little couch?”

  He looked where I was pointing. Justin lay passed out on one of the couches, but a love seat was empty.

  “Looks like I got a terrible night’s sleep.” His tone had changed. Suddenly he sounded like hardened Aiden. The one I was used to hearing after he and Brooke fought. All curt responses and no joking. Had I made him mad? Was it my fault somehow? Had I creepily and stalkerishly climbed into bed with him?

  “Do you...have my sweatshirt?” he asked, standing.

  He remembered enough to know that I had worn it. Yeah...I would have to ask him for some clarification on the night’s happenings at a better time.

  “Oh, yeah, it’s over here.”